Ballmer and Jobs #1: I haz seen the future WAP WAP WAP

They deserve some actual adventures, don't they? 

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Photoshopped this little mashup for my gadget-fan friends out there: Ballmer and Jobs (With apologies to Bill Watterson!)

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Don't miss this Special Kondabolu Brothers Bonus Xtra Feature: The smart, funny stuff that got edited out of my column

See the full gallery on Posterous

The vicissitudes of deadlines and the hard, cold reality of editing meant that a late set of responses to emailed questions by the Brothers Kondabolu ended up on the figurative cutting room floor of my column this week (San Francisco Chronicle: Asian Pop—All Brown Everything) — which is too bad, because the stuff they sent is smart and funny and edgier than the stuff my editor left in. So here's a loop of bonus material from the Brothers K, Hari (the standup comic) and Ashok (a.k.a. Dapwell, hypeman for the incredibly awesome alt-hop group Das Racist, which if you don't know you should, and you will). Note to all, especially those living in Brooklyn or hell, the greater New York area: The Bros. Kondabolu are planning MINORITYFEST 2011, a sequel to their wildly successful monster comedy plus rap plus knowledge palooza of 2009 — exact date and lineup to be announced. Sometime this winter though.

[Light editing for grammar and clarity, of both questions and responses] 

Right before I had to leave our interview [at Dub Pies in Brooklyn's Windsor Terrace — check 'em out, mmm pies] I was about to ask some questions about politics. So here are some questions about politics:

I feel like for artists of other races (e.g. white, black, and yes Latino), politics is expected as being part of the territory of their art. They get involved in Initiatives and advocate Causes, they support candidates, they urge people not just to vote, but to vote on specific issues in specific ways -- and it's all good. But no one seems to expect Asian artists or performers to be politically active, and certainly not to be vocally, openly politically active. Why do you think that is?

Hari: If there is an expectation of artists of other races to be political, I think it's a minimal one. I think there's more of an overwhelming sense of staying away from having any firm opinions on the world and avoiding controversy that is political in nature, and could affect you from getting future work. If there truly is less of an expectation for Asian artists to be political, maybe it's because the assumption is that "we've had it good here." It's that whole "model minority" thing. Obviously, the term "Asian" is very broad and we know there are a lot of lower-income folks and newer Asian immigrants — many undocumented — who are struggling. I will say there has been a lot of political art by Asians post-9/11, especially amongst brown Asians, and that's exciting.

Ashok: I think one of the most useful aspects is our visibility to the general public. Growing up there weren't very many "entertainers" who were South Asian/brown in general. Our politics (Das Racist and Hari's) are, I feel, fairly straightforward and oft-repeated. The band definitely trades in generating simplified political rhetoric and engages in messaging as well. We're often labeled as being racially ambiguous even though me and Himanshu are both Indian and Victor is Afro-Cuban and White (and oft confused for an Indian). 

Have either of you ever had anyone (like a manager or prospective employer or booker or even a fan) ask you to tone it down? Has anyone ever suggested you'd go farther if you stopped being so obsessed with the race thing, or the Asian thing, or the Indian thing? You know, just let it go, get along to go along?

Hari: As long as you're successful, people leave you alone for the most part. I mean, random people say nonsense at shows or online every now and then.  I have a decent amount of support within the industry, and the folks who may not like what I'm doing may not say anything because what I'm doing seems to be working. However, I'm sure there are opportunities I'm not getting because I do what I do. Doesn't really matter what people say to my face, if I lose out on things.

Ashok: No, they're scared of us. A few people have called our politics simple-minded and divisive, which they often are. 

Do people ever call you racist for pointing out racism? Sorry, that's more of a personal bitchpoint of mine. Because I get that all the time. But do they?

Ashok: Yes, "reverse racism." Sometimes they are right, because referring to chunks of people as "white" is fairly meaningless — but often useful.  

Hari — you worked on immigrant rights issues, and of course we're probably in the most horrendously xenophobic period of American history since World War II. What do you think is behind this resurgent fear/hate of immigrants? What's your take on Arizona, Alabama, Georgia?

Hari: People see their neighborhoods changing and they don't like it. They see change in language and culture and a struggling economy and they are looking for people to blame. People are always easier to blame than complicated policies.

Ashok — you guys, that is, Das Racist, did shows in Arizona...was that weird? Did you guys discuss not performing in Arizona (because of, you know, the hate)?

Ashok: Briefly, Victor's sister Vida lies out there so we decided to do it anyway (Tucson and Phoenix). We were going to actually read statistics and snippets of politically charged pro-immigration speech, but decided to scrap the plan when the Phoenix audience was predominantly Mexican. The Tucson audience as well was quite mixed, but there we still stuck with some "Fuck Jan Brewer" type stuff. Not particularly useful, but hey.

Have either of you guys encountered racist/anti-brown types, either while on the road, performing, or in your personal life?

Hari: Definitely in my personal life, and occasionally on the road. Usually people in the audience will yell random garbage or whisper something racist on stage so only I can hear it. There is also lots of well-intentioned, condescending racism too, as well as straight up stupid shit like asking me yoga or Indian food or telling me about a trip to India they want to make. I've experienced the great diversity of racism that the U.S. has to offer!

Ashok: Not really. People who come to see us know what they're getting for the most part. Victor beat up a man wearing blackface in Rome and he beat up a dude wearing an afro wig in Birmingham, Alabama.  

It does seem that South Asians have been much more prominent in government/politics recently — President Obama has appointed many Desis to his cabinet and to high office (<cough>Kalpen Modi</cough>). Do you ascribe this to anything in particular? I mean, Chinese parents tell their kids not to get involved in politics...dunno if that's the case for Indian parents too.

Hari: I can't speak for all Indian people — obviously, I am one human....but our parents were not like that.  Our paternal grandfather was a politician back in Southern India, and I have a political background. I interned for then-Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton back in 2003, and have worked at various nonprofit organizations. Our parents were concerned with us getting hurt, and sure there was the fear of potentially losing work opportunities, but I think they are proud of who we are and that we stand up for ourselves. My parents are fighters, in their own way. They don't just take crap from people and though they are not "activists," they do things that create opportunities for other people and are quite open-minded. My mom is the "cool aunty."

Also, there are now TWO Indian governors, and both of them are crazy right-wing evangelical crazies. Can you explain this? Please? Seriously, WTF?

Hari: Both are educated Christians who are easy to digest. They only scare hardcore racists.

Ashok: Oh, Nimrata and Piyush? Human garbage, hopefully they get hit by cars.  

Ashok — I thought it was hilarious when you said that Victor [Vasquez, Das Racist's Kool A.D.] used to get mistaken for Sikh on the street, because given that the other two of you are Indian, he must get mistaken as Desi all the time anyway. Does he embrace his honorary Indian status?

Ashok: He thinks it's humorous but he'll always correct people unless he feels like fucking with them.  

Hari — While watching your other YouTube clips, I stumbled across the channel for WorldCompass, in which you address some pretty serious stuff, in serious fashion. Badass, man! I particularly liked your take on white guilt vs. racism. Can you tell me about the project and how you got involved in it?

Hari: Kavita Pillay contacted me from WGBH in Boston saying that they were starting a new initiative with PBS and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting that involved a greater web presence and they wanted videobloggers. It's not something I'd really experimented with, but I was excited to try. They provided me with a great platform to do it, and it's been an overall success. I'm definitely self-conscious about the piece,s and wish they were stronger, even though the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. I've even heard some of the videos have been used in various high school, college and grad school classrooms. The best in this field is Jay Smooth of "Ill Doctrine." He's the standard by which any thoughtful videoblogger/ essayist is judged. (At least in my opinion.) [Ed.: Mine too!]

I think Ashok mentioned Third World unity in passing (in relation to an organization at Stuy, I think?)...but here's a serious question: Do you think brown unity is truly possible? If so, what's it rooted in and where is it going?

Hari: That's too big a question for the Kondabolu Brothers to answer if you are talking about geopolitics. If you are talking in the U.S., then another generation or two of young ,educated brown people growing up together will help create that end. The South Asian disapora is not a unified one. It's very much split by nationality, class, caste, religion, geography and language. However, you already see some unity in this newer generation with the growth of "South Asian" organizations in politics and business. That identity is one we've tried to empower and build off of. Especially after 9/11, there was some great cross-community organizing around it and that's a start.

Hari — we talked about the (relative) preponderance of Indians in comedy recently; can you think of any other reasons, besides the ones we talked about, why Indians are breaking out in the humor space? Is Indian culture inherently funny? I feel like Chinese people are not really that funny by nature. At least not in a way that anyone else can comprehend. Maybe it's just me 

Hari: I'd first stay away with anything that involves "by nature." It's basically that educated brown kids now have the ability to waste the educations and opportunities their immigrant parents worked so hard to pay for.

Ashok: Agreed! 

Half kidding, half-serious bonus questions: Is Brown the New Black?

Ashok: Nope. 

What can brown do for you?

Ashok: "Sing and dance," literally and figuratively in both our cases. HA! But also punch you if you're in blackface and have sex with your white daughters!

Das Racist's RELAX drops August 30th on Greedhead Records. And yes! Minorityfest 2011 will be happening this winter!

[Kondabolu Bros. out!]

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From the Badvertising Files: Crispin Porter, king of gimmicks, asks you to watch TV for Whoppers

Outgoing Burger King agency Crispin Porter Bogusky's last campaign for the grease hut is so very crispinporter (adj., "gimmicky"; "Saw XXII was so crispinporter, I had trouble suspending disbelief long enough to vomit into my popcorn"): They're asking people to watch DirecTV's Channel 111, which shows nothing but a rotating Whopper 24/7. If you can watch for five minutes straight, pressing buttons like a lab rat on cue to prove your eyes are on the screen at all times, you get a coupon for a free Whopper. Keep watching, keep earning free Whoppers.

I often feel like Crispin Porter creates these campaigns purely as promotion-by-proxy efforts to generate publicity, and not to actually drive product sales or enhance brand value. Because behaviorally, stunts like this make you associate the product with unpleasant experiences. You may do it for the free Whopper, but it probably makes you less likely to buy a Whopper ever again.

Especially after you've tasted the Whopper.

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Today's Apple's WWDC Keynote: The PC Is Dead, Long Live the Cloud, Digital Amnesty for Pirates—Ahoy!

Didn't tune into today's Apple keynote? Fear not — here are the paradigm-shifting takeaways Steve Jobs wants you to embrace and understand, in handy bullet-point form!:

• The next wave of computing isn't going to be device-centric, application-centric, document-centric or even user-centric — it'll be experience-centric. At least of Lion is the template for the next wave of computing, which is what Apple assumes (Redmond, start your photocopiers):
  • Gesture-based interfaces, animations and physics-based interactive elements make you feel like you're working directly on your content or media 
  • Applications are full-screen and "immersive," rather than locked into windows and sitting on faux desktops —all of the administrative and operational stuff disappear offscreen and surface only when the OS decides you need or want it
  • "Saving" of files is automated and iterative (you can scroll back in time to past versions of files/documents to undo edits, retrieve deleted stuff, restore changes, etc. — like Time Capsule except at the document level)
  • But "saving" may be antiquated anyway, because Apple is pushing "stop and resume" as the new default — when you move your attention away from an app all of the stuff is frozen in a persistent snapshot, and when you return, you come back to exactly the same state as you left it
  • This "pick up where you left off" idea doesn't just apply over time — with Apple's new cloud-based infrastructure, it also applies across devices (at least for those applications that are cloudsmart). This means that if you're working on something on your Mac in, say, Pages (Apple's MSWord equivalent), all of your changes are synced with the cloud. Go to your iPad, fire up Pages and you can Resume your work on that exactly where you left off. Leave your iPad at home, and you can open up and Resume your work on your iPhone. (The same is true for playing media — freeze on the Mac, pick it up on the iPad or iPhone or Apple TV where you left off. The goal is anytime, anywhere computing with a consistent but device-appropriate experience.
• This is all just context for the larger paradigm shift that Apple is decreeing, which is that the PC is dead  — or at least demoted to "just another device," as opposed to the "hub of your digital life" (their old slogan). The PC, as Jobs famously said in the last keynote, is like a truck. It's a heavy-duty info-mover that's not really necessary for 90% of the things we do today, especially with so much computing power sitting out in data centers and accessible via the persistent wireless Internet. We still need to fire it up for some things, but we really don't need to dock to it anymore — that's just annoying. Instead, the cloud is the center of digital everythingness now. 
  • You no longer need to tether to a computer to activate new iDevices — turn them on, connect them to the Internet, identify yourself and all of your stuff (apps, media, files, prefs, etc.) will stream down to your new gadget automagically.
  • You also don't need to tether in order to do iOS upgrades — those will also stream down wirelessly to you and update on their own (uh, hopefully only if you ask for them? <<jailbreakers beware>>
  • It's not just activation — it's also syncing, which will take place in the background across all of your Apple platforms, from the Mac to the iPhone and iPad to Apple TV, via the magic of iCloud — allowing not just the stop-and-resume behavior mentioned above, but also consistent media access everywhere. If you have an app, movie, song or other piece of media on one device, you now have it on all of your authorized devices (up to 10) — and any changes you make are reflected everywhere. It's like DropBox, but for your whole damn digital life.
  • Discs are dead, too. Lion, like iOS, is a downloadable release (4GB) that you get through the Mac App Store. If you must have physical media, you're getting a USB stick. Seriously, does anyone still use discs for anything other than coasters?
• The big announcement, of course, is iCloud. And it *is* big. It's the thing that enables all of the background syncing to all devices, doing what Exchange does for Outlook (syncing email, messages, calendaring, contacts), but also what Google Music Beta and Amazon's Cloud Drive do for music and other media, with a couple of very big differences. 
  • It syncs photos, music, books, movies, apps, documents, preferences and application data, making all of it available to all of your devices in updated form at all times
  • It backs up all of your mobile stuff to the cloud — so you can restore wirelessly rather than having to restore from your computer if your device crashes or needs total resetting, or, again, if you get a new device
  • IT'S NOT A STREAMING SERVICE. It's a meta-download service — if you want something on your authorized iDevice that you already own, you click on it and it downloads to that device. Once it's on that device, you can listen to or watch it as many times as you want, delete it, redownload it, etc. at will. Rationale: 1.) streaming eats up bandwidth like no tomorrow — so why not cache it locally if it's something you'll be consuming again and again; 2.) streaming only works when you're in wireless range. Syncing lets you listen on your local device even when you're off the grid.
  • You can upload/sync whatever you want if it's on your computer and in iTunes (whatever the origin — ripped, torrented, etc.). However, to avoid the hours, days or weeks of uploading that syncing a 32GB music collection may require, you can use something called iTunes Match, which for $25 will scan your iTunes collection and automatically make available 256K (e.g., ultra high-fidelity), DRM-free copies of the songs that Apple has access to available in your iCloud — no uploading. If they don't have it, you can still upload it and it's treated the same as everything else. Here's the amazing thing: THIS IS BASICALLY PIRATE AMNESTY. You may have 100GB of downloaded music, but use this backdoor and for $25, it'll all be replaced with legal, DRM-free tracks that you can listen to on all your devices. Once that happens, you're beyond the reach of Big Music. And this is not a subscription service, either — it's DRM-free music, so they can't rake it back; it's a one-time $25 payment to indemnify you from RIAA prosecution. Not bad, for all of you who've been reared on fr33 d0wnl04dz!

There's a lot more stuff in there, but these are the big things — and they point to some bigger ones ahead. I would watch Apple TV very closely…as I predict that all of this iCloud stuff is poised to impact the living room in a huge way very soon.

 

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