Friday, September 11, 2009

Comedienne Jen Kwok sez: "Date an Asian [Man]"

Well, I'll bite on this. Here's a music video, via my peeps at Channel APA, from comic Jen Kwok extolling the wonders of romancing Asian folk called, quite naturally, "Date an Asian." The twist is, it's urging listeners to date an Asian man. You read that right. Yeah. I didn't find it drop-dead hilarious, to be honest, and the middle-of-the-road slow-jam melody didn't wow me either. But I guess it's refreshing nevertheless, sort of. I've never really believed that gender equality translates into the ability to be sexually exploited at an equal rate, so don't sign me up as rooting for the next trend to be "Asian trophy husbands," and gay rapper Soce the Elemental Wizard's rap break wincingly reinforces a few rice queen stereotypes. But that said -- ups to Jen for making the song orientation neutral. And bigger ups for including some pretty rockin' and hilarious Asian guys in the vid, with my fave being the total surprise inclusion of graphic novelist Fred Chao (Johnny Hiro) in a spit-take OH SO SMEXY scene -- look for him about a minute in. :)

Date an Asian  
Verse 1: Hey there, my name is Jen Kwok And I'm here to tell you that dating Asians rocks They have smooth skin and silky hair So damn exotic, got that ethnic flair So sweet and gentle, smell so good So freaky, nasty, do what you always wanted to So obedient, they'll please you like no one can That's right, I'm talkin bout an Asian man Chorus: Everyone should date an Asian man Don't gotta be serious, just f*** an Asian man At least f*** one, at least, least f*** one At least f*** one, at least, least f*** one (Hey, eh) Verse 2: Asian men don't whistle when you walk down the street They're honest dudes, honey they won't cheat Not sayin if he sees a hot chick, he won't bone her Hey, that's why we got concubines in our culture Some people say that I am full of bull**** Yeah I'm dating a white guy, but I ain't no hypocrite I've dated Chinese, Korean and Sri Lankan Yeah, I'm down with the brown Don't even get me started Bridge: Where my Punjabis at? Where my Philippinos at? Where my bubble tea drinkers at? Everyone should be raising their hands for that one - it's delicious! Chorus: Everyone should date an Asian man Don't gotta be serious, just f*** an Asian man At least f*** one, at least, least f*** one At least f*** one, at least, least f*** one Rap (Soce): What's happening? Are you Japanese? Can I have a piece Of miso, maybe a frappochino And speaking of Chinese, meet me at Silk Road Place please For the open mic, plus some bubble tea And Thai, I met a cute guy when I ordered Tom Yum I could go there every day, feelin on his hot bum Cultural exchange, I could teach you the Torah Light the Menora, can I have samosa? Rotating your medicine balls In the palm of my hand, never lettin em fall I hope that I look as good as Andy Lau When I advance in age, still standing proud And what about my Persian peeps? Certainly! Help me to absorb the heat. You're sure to please. To my Patels, Kims and Wongs, my love's quite strong Like a Bollywood movie, we dance all night long Chorus: Everyone should date an Asian man Don't gotta be serious, just f*** an Asian man At least f*** one, at least, least f*** one At least f*** one, at least, least f*** one Breakdown: Asian men have been such an important force in my life Like my dad Don't date my dad He's married to my mom And, theoretically, I'm old enough to handle it if they got a divorce But, you know, it would kinda mess with me It would kinda mess with me, I'm not gonna lie So just...don't date my dad (Don't f*** the same one, find a different one) I'd cut you (That would be a gang bang) Yeah, that's not cool - don't date my dad (Unless that's what you're into, I'm not here to judge, Make it consensual) I'm not even gonna tell you his name So you're not gonna be able to find him now And therefore, you won't be able to date him

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